How Do You Know Your Kids Really Feel Your Love?

How Do You Know Kids Feel Your Love

© Kelli Nelson – kellihood.com

Do you ever wonder if your children feel your love? I mean really feel it. Often when I look at one of mine, I wonder if they can feel the swell of my heart at that moment.

Okay, so my 17 year-old scary-teenage-know-it-all son isn’t thinking about how I love him when I’m in his face about his lack of effort to complete calculus assignments.

And I’m certain her royal highness isn’t reveling in the strength of my love when I tire of her endless 4 year-old chatter and clinging for the day and tell her to leave me alone.

I’m a confessed indulgent mom. I give in easily. I’m tolerant, permissive and usually quite agreeable with the “I wants.” Sometimes I lecture but I rarely truly punish. And my kids are well aware.

But can they feel the depth of my love? Do they feel the life-altering, earth-moving, unconditional love that’s so much greater than mere words?

I sometimes think about asking them. But I never do because I’m a coward. I’m afraid of the answers I might receive.

If I ask my son, he might remind me that I cursed at him while at Disney a few months back. Or he might remind me of the day I lectured him about his irresponsibility all the way to school and continued by shouting through my open car window so he could still hear me, as witnessed by a cadre of his interested peers.

If I ask my people-pleaser daughter, she might just tell me what I want to hear instead of what I want to know. Or she might remind me that I hid in the bathroom for an hour yesterday while she waited patiently for me to start her Tinker Bell DVD.

Then I remember how my son cried as a young boy if ever he saw me with tears. And how he demanded we sit in the same chair every evening after dinner as we giggled through Dexter’s Laboratory together. I remember how he never forgets to say, “Love you, Mom” each time he leaves the house to drive away on his own.

Then I remember how my daughter gets her Little Mermaid ice pack out of the freezer and holds it to the back of my head until her little fingers freeze each time I mention a headache. I remember that beautiful smile meant only for me as she runs out of her ballet class each week to jump into my arms.

So, my fellow cowards, the next time you wonder if your children really feel your love, come find me and together we’ll remember the little things our kids do to provide us with the answer.

This post was selected by editors at The Stir to be featured in the 2012 Mother’s Day series “Mom Bloggers We Love!” 

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  1. says

    I needed to read this today. My morning has been spent (already) in a house of kids fighting, being sent to their rooms and generally unhappy. But, immediately after all is said and done, they crawl into my lap or lay on my legs and remind me that they love me and thy know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love them.

  2. Lindsay says

    I needed to read this today. My morning has been spent (already) in a house of kids fighting, being sent to their rooms and generally unhappy. But, immediately after all is said and done, they crawl into my lap or lay on my legs and remind me that they love me and thy know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love them.

  3. says

    I have often said, and continue to say to my children that I love them so much that I don’t care if they hate me. Meaning, that I’m okay with being the bad guy, the person who puts the breaks on and says no. I see that as my role. I do not want to be their friend, I love them so much that what they think of me for a minute is not as important to me as what they think of themselves in the long run. Thank you for a great post! So happy that I’m now following you.

  4. says

    I have often said, and continue to say to my children that I love them so much that I don’t care if they hate me. Meaning, that I’m okay with being the bad guy, the person who puts the breaks on and says no. I see that as my role. I do not want to be their friend, I love them so much that what they think of me for a minute is not as important to me as what they think of themselves in the long run. Thank you for a great post! So happy that I’m now following you.

  5. Anthony Preman says

    You know, it’s funny that you wrote about this.  My wife and I, as I have said in earlier comments, have four children.  Ages 22, 18, 4 and 2.  When I was a child, I always wondered if my parents loved me.  They would say so, but as a child, I was probably more insecure and probably needed to hear it more than what I did.  So when I became a parent, I made a conscious choice to make sure that my children would never have one seed of doubt within their hearts and minds.  I tell them everyday that I love them.  We even tell them when we are upset with them or they are upset with us that even though we may be upset and angry right now, we still love them.  
    But I think as a parent, you are always trying to gauge yourself against so many variables; your parents, other parents, our own insecurities, etc..etc.  And of course, these little blessings that come into your life and eat EVERYTHING in sight, argue with you, make you feel guilty, tell you that you’re not being fair because someone else’s parents let them do what ever it is that they are trying to convince you of do not always show us in a way that is apparent that they love us.  But they do.  We are the parameters that give them security in their lives that they so desperately need but yet test those parameters at any given chance.  We ARE their security, their love and the very model of the significant others that they will take into their own lives.  And never, ever be afraid to ask them, “Do you know how much Mommy or Daddy loves you?”  And if they so no, tell them that they are the Morning and Evening Stars in your life and the very essence of your love.

    • says

      So glad to see you back, Anthony! I know. I know. I let my insecurities and guilt get the best of me and cause me to question such things. You know that feeling when you are admiring one of your kids and the love you feel is just squeezing your heart so tight it hurts? You just want them to feel that squeeze, too. Sometimes telling them so just doesn’t seem like enough. 

      • Anthony Preman says

        Telling them may not always seem like it’s enough, but think of it this way.  Your husband can buy you flowers, have them delivered to you along with a big old diamond.  The implication that he is most likely trying to tell you is that he loves you right?  But if does this, but never says anything, does it mean as much?  Or scenario #2, he comes home, the kids are gone, he looks at you with the most sincerest of looks and loving eyes and puts his hand on your face and asks you, “Do you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me?”
        Which of these 2 scenarios communicates to you that he loves you?  Of course the one that he says it AND feels it.  But if you’re lucky, you’ll get the flowers, the diamonds AND the words at the same time.  Point of the story is that words make ALL the difference in the world.  This is why you write isn’t it?

  6. Anthony Preman says

    You know, it’s funny that you wrote about this.  My wife and I, as I have said in earlier comments, have four children.  Ages 22, 18, 4 and 2.  When I was a child, I always wondered if my parents loved me.  They would say so, but as a child, I was probably more insecure and probably needed to hear it more than what I did.  So when I became a parent, I made a conscious choice to make sure that my children would never have one seed of doubt within their hearts and minds.  I tell them everyday that I love them.  We even tell them when we are upset with them or they are upset with us that even though we may be upset and angry right now, we still love them.  
    But I think as a parent, you are always trying to gauge yourself against so many variables; your parents, other parents, our own insecurities, etc..etc.  And of course, these little blessings that come into your life and eat EVERYTHING in sight, argue with you, make you feel guilty, tell you that you’re not being fair because someone else’s parents let them do what ever it is that they are trying to convince you of do not always show us in a way that is apparent that they love us.  But they do.  We are the parameters that give them security in their lives that they so desperately need but yet test those parameters at any given chance.  We ARE their security, their love and the very model of the significant others that they will take into their own lives.  And never, ever be afraid to ask them, “Do you know how much Mommy or Daddy loves you?”  And if they so no, tell them that they are the Morning and Evening Stars in your life and the very essence of your love.

    • says

      So glad to see you back, Anthony! I know. I know. I let my insecurities and guilt get the best of me and cause me to question such things. You know that feeling when you are admiring one of your kids and the love you feel is just squeezing your heart so tight it hurts? You just want them to feel that squeeze, too. Sometimes telling them so just doesn’t seem like enough. 

      • Anthony Preman says

        Telling them may not always seem like it’s enough, but think of it this way.  Your husband can buy you flowers, have them delivered to you along with a big old diamond.  The implication that he is most likely trying to tell you is that he loves you right?  But if does this, but never says anything, does it mean as much?  Or scenario #2, he comes home, the kids are gone, he looks at you with the most sincerest of looks and loving eyes and puts his hand on your face and asks you, “Do you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me?”
        Which of these 2 scenarios communicates to you that he loves you?  Of course the one that he says it AND feels it.  But if you’re lucky, you’ll get the flowers, the diamonds AND the words at the same time.  Point of the story is that words make ALL the difference in the world.  This is why you write isn’t it?